I think I’m going to find this blog entry really easy to write – the reason I say that is because I know exactly what I want to say and for the first time, I’m not really too bothered if I offend anyone in the process. I guess I'm fed up of trying to be diplomatic, not wanting to offend the groups who seem to take sick, twisted pleasure in insulting people who just happen to be different to themselves.  That may sound slightly arrogant but do you know what, I don’t care! Since I launched rucomingout four months ago, I have been so careful not to upset anyone with my views on gay and lesbian lifestyles, not wanting to sound like a ‘militant homosexual’ as I have been called before, and definitely not wanting people to think I’m a straight-hating, narrow-minded gay-obsessive. I’m none of those things.

I went to World Pride 2012 last weekend which this year was held in London. Now, I’m sure we all know about the controversy surrounding the plans for the event and the scaling back of certain aspects. My opinion? Not really that important to me. Pride is about the people, always has been and always will be. We don’t need a big name DJ, well-known popstar or Hollywood actor to create a sense of occasion, WE ARE THE OCCASION!!!

That could just mean that you speak to people from a different city, people with different jobs, of different generations or people dressed as characters from Alice in Wonderland. I met an amazing man who must have been in his 70s who had made friends with a couple of guys in their late 20s or early 30s. Their differences were overshadowed by their commonalities. They were all gay and could relate to the struggles that each of them had faced at some point in their lives. This commonality united them but didn’t define them. They laughed, joked, introduced one another to strangers they had just met and posed for photographs. This is why Pride is beautiful and this is why Pride is still needed in 2012.

I hate to judge and to make assumptions; I always base my opinions on what I know, things I’ve witnessed or experienced and try and always make balanced statements. Take a look at the picture I’ve posted here of the older gent holding the sign and his new friend:

Now I want you to be honest, completely honest with yourself. If you saw these guys standing in the middle of a Wetherspoons pub in the middle of a small town or city on a normal Saturday evening would people around them make them feel uncomfortable? Ok, so imagine our friend wasn’t holding the sign. What now? So he might not have a sign proclaiming his sexuality but he might still want to embrace his new friend, talk loudly about gay culture and not want to hide away who he is just in case he ‘offended’ anyone. His new friend may still wish to wear his bright red cravat or his rainbow flag decoration - what now? I’m being honest with myself now. I’m basing my opinion on what I have witnessed or experienced and will try and make a balanced statement. In a huge proportion of straight bars, rather than at a Pride event, in this situation, these men would have to deal with strange looks, snide comments, possible verbal abuse and maybe, just maybe direct insults. Do you agree? Maybe you don’t; maybe you think I’m over reacting and being dramatic. As I said, I’m basing what I feel on what I have experienced and what I feel makes me sad. It makes me sad that people could judge others on the basis that they are different to themselves. How many gay couples do you see kissing or holding hands in straight pubs and bars? How many straight couples? Why? Homophobia isn't just about gay people being beaten up or gay school children being bullied, it's the realtively common but rarely acknowledged homophobia like I've mentioned which I feel has to be challenged - but that's for another blog. I know I alter my behaviour or lower my voice in certain situations in case I bring attention to the fact I'm gay, and I'm ashamed that I do that. Maybe I'm scared of offending, maybe I'm scared I'll be beaten up, I'm not sure. But as I said, that's a whole new blog entry in itself: Gays - Know Your Place!

Anyway, this is why I love Pride. I love Pride because that ‘difference’, the reaction to which very often is the cause of such violence and abhorrent behaviour in our world, is not just acknowledged as good but is celebrated.

Some of you may be aware of a guy who has made it his goal to try and sabotage this project and website. Before Pride this weekend this guy posted tweets saying that he hoped God would wash away the homosexuals at World Pride and that being gay is wrong. I’m not allowed to post those tweets here because I’m breaking copyright laws and this website could be removed. This guy angers me, annoys me and makes me worry. This guy has children and he makes no effort to hide the fact that he is conditioning them to hate gays and lesbians as much as he does. I want to say now that I know many Christians who do not share this guy’s views that God hates gay people. I wouldn’t offend them by associating them with this guy purely based on the fact that they all share a belief in God. I know that’s pretty obvious but in my opinion, if God does exist (yes, I am not 100% sure!) I’m pretty sure that he would find this guy’s behaviour disgusting and very un-Christian like.

I met up with some new friends that I haven’t spent a huge amount of time with before last weekend but who I know I like, respect and will make my life richer by having them in it. I don’t become friends with people because they are gay. I don’t refuse to talk to people who are straight. I surround myself with people who are good, people who can make me laugh and people who are nice. James and Kenny are such people. I have only met them once before this weekend. They’re funny, they’re caring and they’re welcoming. They’re also married, to each other. James and Kenny are brilliant. Not because they are gay, but because of the qualities they have and the positive energy they spread. I had an amazing time talking to them both in Circa Bar just off Soho Square. They introduced me to their friends (gay and straight) who were also lovely. They asked me questions about this website, gave me advice and encouragement, made me feel welcome and were a huge reason why I had such a great afternoon. James text me yesterday to tell me that he had been contacted to be told that he is a successful blood match with a patient who requires a bone marrow transplant. James doesn’t know this person; he and Kenny decided to put themselves on the donor register two years ago because they knew that by doing so they could potentially save someone’s life.

The guy who is determined to close this site down, the one who tweets hateful comments about gays and lesbians, the guy who claims that no matter how many good things you do in your life because you are still evil and will burn in hell if you are gay – this guy is a prick. I’ve been told my many people that I shouldn’t bring myself to his level but I’m not really too concerned about that. I know that I am a good person and I know that I try and live a decent life, helping people along the way and I’m sure that God would respect that and forgive the odd slip up like calling someone a prick. I don't know if the guy who hates gays is on the bone marrow transplant register, it isn't really important, but what I do know is that he wouldn't acknowledge James and Kenny's amazing gesture because they are gay. That's a pretty prick-ish way of thinking in my opinion.

I’d happily change my mind about this guy being a prick if he could show me why I should but I’m not holding out much hope of that. My new friends James and Kenny aren’t pricks – they’re amazing.

Pride was amazing. It’s not a reflection of what living life as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transsexual person is like; it’s an extreme, in your face, over the top, exaggerated celebration of difference.

I’ve always had a bit of an issue with the term 'Pride'. I personally feel that you can only really be proud of something that you have had some input into. I know that not everyone will share that view and I respect that. But I wouldn’t say that I’m necessarily proud to be gay – I can’t take the credit for that, it just happened! However, I am proud of how I dealt with the challenge of being gay after I realised I was. I'm also proud to be me and of the choices I make in life. I’m proud of my friends, the old ones, the new ones and the ones I have yet to meet.

So for me, World Pride 2012 was much more than an excuse for a party, more than an opportunity to wave a flag. It was about me realising that I surround myself with people who are nicer than the guy who hates gays and our website. People can hide behind God or their beliefs about what is natural or normal but that means nothing, absolutely nothing. When it comes down to it I think it's all about one question:

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Until next time, I hope you continue to enjoy the stories and the site and remember . . . don't be a prick, be nice!

Wayne

See our World Pride 2012 - London photo gallery here

@waynedavid81 - on thee olde Twitter
facebook.com/rucomingout - on the book of face
[email protected] - write to me without having to buy a stamp

Find out more about bone marrow donation here