Sophie | 29 | Training Officer | Hampshire, England
I guess I always knew that I wasn't the same as all my other friends although it didn't stop me acting like them. I had boyfriends all the way through school and to be honest I think I probably over compensated. I went out with my last boyfriend Andrew until I joined the army at 16. I really liked Andrew and cried when we spilt up but I knew deep down that it was for the best because I had a secret. I was in love with my best friend I did whatever I could to spend as much time as I possibly could with her. I knew that she was straight but I didn't care, I just wanted to be with her. We spent every hour of everyday together and I felt like I could talk to her about anything and everything. Well everything apart from the most important thing. I wrote in my diary every night about what we had done that day and how I was jealous about the way her boyfriend kissed her and how I wished it was me. I hid my diary under my bookcase in my room and NEVER left it out, EVER - just in case my mum and dad came in and found it. I wasn't ready for that. I came home one night and got a drink from the fridge to find my diary on top of the microwave. I was in a sheer panic. OMG, what had they read? What did they know? What would they say? I grabbed my diary off the side, ran upstairs, slammed my bedroom door and didn't come out till the next morning. When I woke up I panicked again; what were they going to say to me? I got dressed, went down stairs and not a word was said; everything was like normal. How are you babe? Are you up to anything nice today? I breathed a sigh of relief thanking God that my secret wasn't out. |
"Looking back I know that my mum must have read that diary but chose to pretend she never did. I guess she must have known that I wasn't ready. To be honest, I don't think she was ready either."
I joined the army at 16 and knew straight away that I loved it. I could finally be myself. I had my first proper girlfriend when I was 17 and knew it was time that I told the truth to the people that I loved. I chose to ring my sister and before she had chance to speak I said, "IM GAY". I knew that she wouldn't be able to keep her big mouth shut so telling her first was a cop out really. Sure enough, within about three minutes of our conversation I had another call and it was Mum. It was a weird conversation that started with her saying that she always knew that I was gay and then her suggesting that it might be just a phase. Whatever she said didn't really matter to me because I'd finally done it. I'd told the truth and it was a weight lifted off my shoulders.
"I'm out of the army now and have been in a civil partnership for almost seven years with Samantha who I love dearly."
My mum and dad love Sam and my sexuality isn't an issue to them which makes me beam with pride. Me and my best friend lost touch. I wasn't sure whether it was because I was in the army or because I told her I was gay. I hope it's not the latter but whatever the reason I will always be thankful to her and will never forget my first love.
Follow Sophie on Twitter - @Sophie_843
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