Simon | 29 | Portsmouth, England | Law
I am now 28 and began to have feelings towards the same sex when I wasat secondary school probably at about 14/15 years old. I began to have feelings or dream about certain boys and would try and avoid things like showers after PE incase anyone noticed me looking at them. I have always had more female friends then males so my friends started to notice this through my last year at school and my years at college. When I turned 17/18 I began to chat to guys online as I had never spoken to anyone else that was gay and I was intrigued! I met someone when I was 17. He was a little older and no one knew about us. We would meet once a month with me saying I was staying at a friend's when I was actually about 100 miles away in a hotel. This went on for about 18 months before his parents found out and I was petrified they would somehow tell my parents or they would find out.
My first serious relationship with a guy was when I was 21. We were together a while and I was about to move in with him as I spent every night, pretty much, round his.
"I made a choice to date someone who lived 50 miles away so no one would find out I was gay."
The day before I was due to move in with him he dumped me so I then had to tell my parents I wasn't moving out after all. While I was dating this guy, I felt so guilty that I was making stories up to my friends if they asked if I was gay etc... I kind of knew they wouldn't have a problem with it if I was but I wasn't sure whether I would lose them if I told them. In the end I began to speak to my girlfriends one by one, taking them out for a drink or just a drive in the car, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and could be myself with them.
That was seven years ago and have to say it was best thing I ever did. My friends are so important to me and knowing they were good with it I knew as long as I had them everything would be fine. Then the day came I had to tell my parents. I had heard stories in particular a guy I was working with had just come out and he told his mum who was brilliant about it but his dad wouldn't speak to him for 6 months, I had a dreaded feeling mine would be the same.
"I picked my mum up from work and she knew something was wrong (I had just spilt up with my first proper boyfriend) so I told her I needed to tell her something. I simply typed out a text saying 'Mum,
I love you! I have something to tell you but not sure how you will react...I'm gay' and showed her
as I couldn't bring myself to actually tell her!"
She just gave me a big hug and said she knew. Mums always know.
Then she said I would have to tell my dad! My dads in the police, he's a very big muscly bloke who would sometimes scare me and would always think he would have a problem with a gay son! But he was the complete opposite, gave me a big hug and said if I ever wanted to chat about it he would always be there. I would tell anyone who is in same position as I was when I was 17 to start telling your closest friends, they will be so supportive, if their not then they aren't good friends! Not all gay guys are camp; gay bars are a good place to meet people who are in same situation.
I would say tell your friends first and then maybe write your parents a letter telling them how you feel. I always wanted to tell them when I moved out but felt they needed to hear it from me personally and not in a letter, but everyone is different.