Alex | 28 | Theatrical Agent | London, England
"I remember being 15 and having a sleepover at my friend Carly's house - me lying on the floor in a sleeping bag in the dark and telling her I thought I might be gay." After that it was never really discussed and I ended up having a long term girlfriend with who I spent two years of my life with. All the time I had friends, both mine and hers telling me I was gay. I hated that they thought it was their responsibility to inform me of my sexuality so I denied it. I wanted it to be on my terms. By 19 I was at drama school and still 'in the closet'. One evening a group of my friends decided that they would go to the local gay bar. I asked if I could too. Instant acceptance. We never discussed what I was, just that I might not be 'straight'. They allowed me to explore the possibility without having to label it. It wasn't until the end of my first year and I was forced to come to some sort of decision. Unless you go to drama school, I don't think you can appreciate the lack of boundaries there are. A tutor in a class brought up the topic of sexuality, and I (like many others confused about what is going on) said I was bisexual. This teacher then ridiculed me in front of the class saying that bisexual was not an acceptable answer as he didn't believe that there was such a thing. He wanted to know what sex I thought about while I masturbated. Looking back, I think I probably should've spoken to a someone about the way he forced me to talk about things that maybe I wasn't ready for. To be fair, he also wouldn't call me by name as he "didn't like it" and so I spent the term being called Xander. |
"From then on my friends knew me as gay. Next hurdle: family."
At 22, I had a boyfriend. After a few drinks one evening a discussion came was started about when people had come out to their families. I still hadn't and was met with shock and ridicule from other gay people. How could I be 22 and not be honest with who I was?
I wasn't ready but the next day I phoned both my Mum and Dad and told them I was gay. In honesty, it took my Mum a lot longer to come round to it than my Dad (who said he already knew and that it didn't matter). My Dad told all of his family and not one of them had a negative thing to say. My Mum, however didn't want to tell her side family. In her defense, I can say that her and her family possibly do not come across many 'gay' people but I then struggled for 6 years against the constant "have you got a girlfriend yet" questions from my Grandparents.
A couple of months ago, my Mum decided that it wasn't OK that I was having to lie about my relationship and told the whole family. Every single one of them was ok with it. My Grandparent's both phoned me straight away and told me they loved me. My Grandpa told me he was embarrassed at having asked me about girlfriends for all these years. I spent that day in constant tears. I hadn't realised how important it was for my whole family to know I was in love and happy.
I wasn't ready but the next day I phoned both my Mum and Dad and told them I was gay. In honesty, it took my Mum a lot longer to come round to it than my Dad (who said he already knew and that it didn't matter). My Dad told all of his family and not one of them had a negative thing to say. My Mum, however didn't want to tell her side family. In her defense, I can say that her and her family possibly do not come across many 'gay' people but I then struggled for 6 years against the constant "have you got a girlfriend yet" questions from my Grandparents.
A couple of months ago, my Mum decided that it wasn't OK that I was having to lie about my relationship and told the whole family. Every single one of them was ok with it. My Grandparent's both phoned me straight away and told me they loved me. My Grandpa told me he was embarrassed at having asked me about girlfriends for all these years. I spent that day in constant tears. I hadn't realised how important it was for my whole family to know I was in love and happy.
"My advice to people struggling to come out - it will be hard to say those words, it may not go the way you planned but remember that you are loved and that honesty, however painful, is the best feeling."
Follow Alex on Twitter - @Alex_France
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