A Year After Coming Out
John | 18 | Ireland | Studying Software Engineering
On the evening of the 25th June 2012 I made a very big decision that turned out to be one of the most life altering choices in my 18 years of existence. Years of self-loathing, pain and fear led to self-discovery, personal growth, eventual acceptance and finally the courage to tell my best friend that I was someone who was attracted to men instead of women.
It was the single toughest thing I ever had to do. I was consumed with fear and an idea that the worst would be to come. However, my friend was very passive in his response to this new information. A reaction so mild from him made me feel elated and overjoyed. I poured my heart out to him about the years of silence that I endured and he was there to listen quietly. A weight was lifted, somebody knew, I felt free.
Coming out was the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. I had just finished my Leaving Certificate examinations (A Levels/end-game secondary level education exams) and the summer waited to me and so did the independent world of college which was just around the corner. It was a scary and interesting transition from leaving the school system and saying goodbye to school people I knew to a world in the big city where I was an unknown nobody. It was a frightened, but also insanely liberating experience.
It was the single toughest thing I ever had to do. I was consumed with fear and an idea that the worst would be to come. However, my friend was very passive in his response to this new information. A reaction so mild from him made me feel elated and overjoyed. I poured my heart out to him about the years of silence that I endured and he was there to listen quietly. A weight was lifted, somebody knew, I felt free.
Coming out was the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. I had just finished my Leaving Certificate examinations (A Levels/end-game secondary level education exams) and the summer waited to me and so did the independent world of college which was just around the corner. It was a scary and interesting transition from leaving the school system and saying goodbye to school people I knew to a world in the big city where I was an unknown nobody. It was a frightened, but also insanely liberating experience.
"I had a new courage and confidence heading to college and I thought that I could be an honest and truthful person."
I was able to attract wonderful friends who appreciated me for all that I was; flaws and differences included. I even felt at times that I was seen as a leader among my peers and some came to me for advice on certain issues. They knew that they could depend on my honest and truthful opinions, which was really nice to know.
I think that life is too short to be worried about what other people think of us. I spent a lot of my teenage life obsessed with not slipping up in case someone noticed and jeered me. Ironically, it still happened a lot. I was bullied terribly as a child and as a teenager for not liking football like the other boys. Picked on for being weird, having braces, wearing glasses, walking funny - accused of being gay, asexual – I received a tremendous amount of abuse. But although I have those emotional scars, I display them proudly. I learned that those people aren’t very smart and are actually very insecure themselves.
"Coming out affected me positively in more ways that I ever thought it would. I felt happier, I was more productive and I didn’t feel that getting out of bed was as much of a struggle as it used to be. Since coming out over a year ago I now have the confidence to push for good things in my life."
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