John | 16 | New Jersey, USA | Sophomore in High School
I grew up in a small town in NJ. Everyone says that, but it’s mostly all true. It seems like those who are coming out in small cities would get the most amount of hate. That’s not exactly true. Honestly, my social rank isn’t very high, so I’m not exactly popular. Not popular enough for others to really notice exactly. Or maybe they do. I can’t really read people’s minds.
"I didn't really see it at the time, but I always had a strong emotional pull towards guys. When I was young, like around third grade young, I had my very first crush." It was towards a guy who I’m just going to call him…Roberto. He was a grade beneath me. I had the biggest crush on him, and I was too young to understand what gay meant and how it was “bad” to some people. I grew up and I stopped seeing Roberto for few years.
I was a child until I was like 14. I loved Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. I did cheerleading for a year and a half because I swore to myself I would never do football. I got made fun of doing that, but I just brushed it off. I did develop small crushes for girls in fifth and eighth grade, which died out quickly. |
I only started to discover my sexuality around seventh or eighth grade, I don’t remember when exactly. I had the urge to use a dating site. Around Christmas time I made an account where I put myself interested in guys. I was curious of my feelings and how I was going to react towards them. I found a guy online where I eventually started to really like (not in the picture anymore). Then, I really got interested. I discovered my emotional pull towards guys and I then found my sexual pull towards guys. I was around fourteen at the time. I first came out as bi. I told my best friend back then that I was bisexual and she was all like, “I know. I knew within six weeks of meeting you.”
As I got into ninth grade, I began to come out to individuals, while exploring more of my sexuality. Someone said they thought I was gay rather than bi (I have my fangirling moments). I told my teacher who had already had her suspicions. I also went to therapy in school to help me.
As I got into ninth grade, I began to come out to individuals, while exploring more of my sexuality. Someone said they thought I was gay rather than bi (I have my fangirling moments). I told my teacher who had already had her suspicions. I also went to therapy in school to help me.
"After a while my teacher introduced me to the LGBT group where I met the friends I have now. I was extremely quiet at first, but now I can just be myself which is awesome. I started to realize that I was gay and decided to come out to more people."
It's not been easy all the time though. Some guy started to message me on Facebook. I had no idea who he was but he kept calling me gay. It was a horrible feeling and I just fought back. However, that wasn’t the best decision. A month later, the same guy made an Instagram page with my picture on it and saying awful stuff pretending to be me. My friend who supported me through everything saw it and helped me with it. The instagram got deleted and that was it.
Not really though… As time went on and I got to know who I really am, the more family got in the way. I told my sister, and she was really supportive. I learned that my uncle was gay which was surprising. I was told by some members of my family that I’m too young to know that I’m gay. They blamed others for “making me gay.” I was told you can’t be gay until you had your first gay kiss. My dad knew for a while, but we didn't talk about it. Either he forgot it, or he thought I was in a phase. My cousin who is the most popular sophomore always knew and he doesn’t care.
On father’s day, I was at my best friend’s house and I decided to come out on instagram. I found a pic online. “I think the best day will be when we no longer talk about being gay or straight. It’s not a gay wedding; it’s just a wedding. It’s not a gay marriage; it’s just a marriage – Pink.” I tagged those who knew and supported me. I found out that I had a lot of supporters.
Not really though… As time went on and I got to know who I really am, the more family got in the way. I told my sister, and she was really supportive. I learned that my uncle was gay which was surprising. I was told by some members of my family that I’m too young to know that I’m gay. They blamed others for “making me gay.” I was told you can’t be gay until you had your first gay kiss. My dad knew for a while, but we didn't talk about it. Either he forgot it, or he thought I was in a phase. My cousin who is the most popular sophomore always knew and he doesn’t care.
On father’s day, I was at my best friend’s house and I decided to come out on instagram. I found a pic online. “I think the best day will be when we no longer talk about being gay or straight. It’s not a gay wedding; it’s just a wedding. It’s not a gay marriage; it’s just a marriage – Pink.” I tagged those who knew and supported me. I found out that I had a lot of supporters.
"Even though I didn’t think I reached many people, I reached me. It changed me. Now, I’m more open. I just am myself."
I used a truth and two lies game to come out to my co-workers. Now, I just don’t care. I love who I am, and you should too!
Stay strong bae.
Follow John on twitter @John_Miller14
Stay strong bae.
Follow John on twitter @John_Miller14
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