On National Coming Out Day, here are some tips. It’s not about pressuring people to come out before they are ready or encouraging anyone to out others. It’s an opportunity for us to acknowledge what can be a really difficult, emotional time for anyone who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. What most people who come out have in common, is the fear of what those close to them will say and do. This day was actually founded way back in 1988 and since then it has hit the world by storm. Being out and proud as a lesbian person, a bisexual person, a gay person or a trans person is such a liberation and is sure to completely transform your life for the better. Here we look at some of the best pieces of advice from RUComingOut.
- When I was 12 years old, I discovered for the first time that I like men. It took me another two years to accept that and to tell somebody. I told it to my best friends, I said that I’m bisexual, a lie, but the only way for me to be brave enough. Half a year passed and after a short time of dating I’ve had the courage to tell it to my mum and my sister. They both cried and were scared of the reaction from everybody else. My father had issues accepting the fact that I’m gay, but never showed me that, maybe because we already had a very difficult relation. Meanwhile I’m in a relationship with a man since three years. My whole family accepts us and is totally fine with having a gay son, brother or nephew. They just needed time, and so did I. My partner and I moved together and are ready for the future, knowing we have two loving and supporting families and some very good friends. My outing helped me to accept myself and to become a person who can love themself.”
Coming out is a life changing experience for many of us, but it’s beautiful to see happy endings and for individuals to love the person they truly are 🏳️🌈
- People have reacted to me coming on in so many ways. Being excited, indifferent, loving, worried, concerned. But it’s always been best when they match my energy. If someone is coming out to you/telling you about their sexuality, match their energy. If they’re not making it’s a big deal, you shouldn’t either. If they’re really nervous or emotional respond with comapssion. If they’re excited, be excited with them.
- Coming out can be a difficult process, particularly if you live in an environment that isn’t very open. And it never ends: every time you meet new people, we might have to come out again. Here is advice and tips for your coming out!
- Before you come out: make sure you are safe! It’s okay if you don’t want to come out now or at all. You are still valid.
- Talk to a person you trust: your best friend, your favorite aunt, a close colleague.
- You don’t have to throw a sexuality reveal party and tell everyone at once.
- Every way to come out is valid. If you want that party: go for it!
- Take your time. Come out when you are ready.
- Coming out is scary. It’s okay to feel scared, anxious, or nervous.
- You’ll be incredibly relieved after your coming out!
- Be prepared that people might have questions. For many, your coming out will be a huge surprise—even if it should have been obvious.
- The people closest to you probably already know (or suspect) and will celebrate your coming out with you.
- Some people you’ll tell might not accept you. That is incredibly sad. But remember: you don’t want to have people in your life who are homo-, bi-, transphobic etc.
4. Don’t be hard on yourself. Coming out is hard. You don’t have to make it harder for yourself. Tell someone you trust first and you don’t have to tell your parents if it worries you and it really helps if you have someone in your corner.
5. You don’t have to feel guilty for ‘lying if you’re not ready to come out. Being LGBTQ+ is something you can be discriminated for, and so it’s perfectly okay if you’re not ready to tell people yet.”
6. With a hypothetical this big, I find it helps to focus on what we can control since there are quite a few variables. We can control who we come out to .. & when, & how. And we can control how we talk to ourselves & take care of ourselves throughout that daunting process. But we can’t control the reactions of others no matter how much we may want to. The reaction of others is theirs to control & if they choose to feel hurt by your truth, then they are choosing to live in disagreement with reality. And yeah, that’s gonna be a rough ride for them. But just like when you’re at a theme park, everyone gets to choose their own adventure. If the ride they chose is uncomfortable for them, they’re always welcome to come back & hang with us on the ground. In the meantime, try & find a ride buddy or 2 that like the same rides as you (& who you can be yourself around) so you don’t feel so alone while your family is off choosing the big scary coasters that go upside down. 😉
7. Excitingly, soon coming out won’t exist anymore!!! The same way people don’t have to come out as straight but for now coming out seems like the scariest thing in the world, I know I’ve been there but from my experiences there’s ways you can handle it to make it much easier for yourself! My biggest advice is to avoid labelling yourself immediately.
8. If things do go bad, i also suggest becoming closer to those acquaintances you mentioned. no matter what, things are going to turn out okay. if your friends are unaccepting, it will suck but would you really want to be friends with someone who doesn’t love you for you? ☀️
9. With that said, coming out should never be a scary thing. Surrounding yourself with the right people who deserve to be in your life will make it way less scary. I would always suggest coming out to a close friend first, then just a small group of people. To your parents if you know they will support you. Coming out doesn’t have to be the huge, all at once gesture that everyone makes it out to be, it can be baby steps, in fact it usually is.