Wayne was a big part of me coming out. We met 13 years ago at university. We studied the same subjects and lived together for two years. Both of us knew we were gay but neither was comfortable embracing those feelings. It wasn't until a few years after we graduated that Wayne came out. In doing so he gave me the confidence to do the same. We shared a number of mutual friends and seeing them embrace Wayne showed me that the same would happen to me. And it did. Fear really is a bitch!!!!
It's crazy what you push to the back of your memory. When reliving my coming out years I found emotions I didn't expect to experience again. However you can't beat the feeling of pride of overcoming the darkness. And then of course comes the embarrassment of having so many misconceptions and letting fear win for so many years. So I wrote my story and emailed it to Wayne. A short time afterwards I received an email saying that the project was going viral. I thought that this was great as going online would open up the project to a wider audience. Then I looked at the other recipients of the message... they were all male. I can't say I'm a feminist or a campaigner for LGBT rights or anything. I've only really attended one gay pride and that was really just to have a good time rather than celebrate my sexuality. I'm not overtly gay and I've never wanted to vocalise my sexuality as I never want to make others feel uncomfortable. However, this one email seemed to change all that.
I would never had wasted a month dragging up those emotions and tears of my coming out if I had known it was a gay man venture. Not only that but I thought that it was a great idea for a site and thought that it would be a shame if women were left out. I mean lesbians have a voice too. So I emailed Wayne regarding the situation. He had no intention of making it a male endeavour but as all of his contacts were male well this was where it was going. There was no point letting my blood boil and not do anything about it. So I asked Wayne if I could get involved by gaining lesbian contributions and being the kind hearted, everyone loving man he is welcomed my help.
I'd like to think that rucomingout is not a site about men or women. It's about us gays as a whole; not forgetting Bi-Sexuals of course. I like to think that it is challenges misconceptions not just from the straight world but between us as well. Bit of controversy here but instead of gay or lesbian, I think it would be great to just call us all gay; happy and bright. After all we're all part of the same collective who can't get 'married'. On a wider note, at some point in the future I'd love to be referred to as 'our friend Clare' instead of the current sentence 'our lesbian friend Clare'.
Feel free to contact me anytime about musicals, Elaine Paige, Czech tennis players between 1987 and 2002 and tea.
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