Andrew Hayden-Smith Actor and TV Presenter
Andrew first appeared on our TV screens back in 1995 when he made his first appearance as Ben Carter in the popular childrens' show Byker Grove. With a 20 year television career under his belt Andrew hit our screens again in 2015, this time in writer Russell T Davies' two new gay-themed shows, Cucumber (Channel 4) and Banana (E4). This June Andrew will appear on-screen in the ever-popular Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks.
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When did you realise that you were gay?
I suppose growing up it was always there at the back of my mind but I tried my best not to think about it. I don’t remember there ever being a sudden realisation, it was almost as if it were gradual and then by my early teens I was absolutely certain, even though I might not have liked it at the time.
"I knew I’d have to face up to it one day even though it scared me, but I tried my best to hide away from it." I had a girlfriend when I was 15, who I’m still friends with today, and as much as I tried to shut out my real feelings, a relationship with a girl just wasn’t working for me.
You started working on Byker Grove when you were pretty young. Did you ever feel under any pressure growing up in the public eye to keep your sexuality hidden?
I’ve been in the public eye from a young age. I was 12 when I started acting in Byker Grove. My character was a bit of a womaniser which was great at the time as I figured it gave off the impression that I fancied girls in real-life too. It did get pretty tiresome doing interviews for the same teen magazines when the same questions about girls and relationships would come up and I’d feel like I was a bit of a fraud, lying to everyone. ‘Who’s your ideal girlfriend?’ they’d ask over and over again. Britney Spears owes me some concert tickets, let me tell you!
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One of the great things about working in TV at such a young age while questioning my sexuality was that I came into contact with some incredibly lovely gay people. Martin, the Costume Designer on Byker Grove, was probably the first gay person I’d ever met. I’m pretty sure he saw it shining out of me from the moment he met me. There were quite a few members of the crew who were gay and I remember thinking how comfortable in themselves they were and that I wanted to be like that too.
When did you first come out?
By the time I’d made the decision to come out, I was living in London and was becoming more and more confident about being gay. I was up in Newcastle, visiting friends and family one weekend, when after a couple of drinks I decided to tell a couple of my friends, one of which was my former girlfriend. They were both great. I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction. I think the fact I’d moved to London and had a new life there gave me a bit of confidence to go ahead and do it, knowing I could run away if it had all gone the other way! But deep down I knew that wouldn’t happen and they’d be cool about it. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. We carried on with the night and that was that. Telling my parents was a bit different.
"I was presenting at CBBC and had been going to gay clubs and bars with friends. The press had noticed and had contacted the CBBC office. There had been talk about a gossip column in a newspaper running a story. Being a kid’s TV presenter who just so happens to be gay would apparently make for good reading."
I’m not entirely sure what my sexuality had to do with the job I was doing but hey. I’d started going to gay bars with my friend Adrian who was also a CBBC presenter at the time and also still my best friend. He’d hinted to me in a text that he knew and invited me out with his group of friends. That was a really nice feeling to be a part of a group. We had the most fun nights out. When the press called my boss to talk about the story, he called me into his office to have a chat about it. He told me it was fine and that if I wanted to do a coming out interview in the gay press to beat them to it, I would have his full support. So I did. We contacted Attitude Magazine and set up a shoot and interview. I don’t remember feeling nervous on the day of the interview itself. They put me right at ease. In fact, I don’t remember anyone making a big deal of it at all! It was just like I was talking to a mate about it all. Growing up, I bought Attitude a lot so I was just excited about actually seeing myself in the magazine.
The article wouldn’t be out for a few weeks and there were two more, very important people I needed tell - my parents!
My sister and brother in law had already told me they knew. I was quite relieved that they’d come to me about it. It made things a lot easier. I got on the train home to Newcastle and was in the kitchen with my Mam when I told her. I told her I had something to tell her. It took a while to get it out and in the end I just blurted it out. ‘I’m gay.’ She looked a little shocked for a second and then took it in before saying ‘Well I still love you son.’ It’s a moment I will never forget, as I'm sure anyone who has come out to their parents will understand. I didn’t tell my Dad that night. I think I was worried about disappointing him. When I woke up the next day, my Mam hadn’t been able to keep it to herself which I understand and had already told him. He went very quiet. He wasn’t angry, he just didn’t say very much. He asked me a lot if I was sure and how could I be gay because I’d had girlfriends in the past. There wasn’t ever a point where we didn’t speak. It might have taken a little while for them to get used to it but I know from that moment on I became a lot closer to them. I had nothing to hide anymore. I could be totally honest with them. I had a long-term boyfriend between the ages of 19 and 25. We met in Heaven, the gay club in London, about a year after I moved to London. My parents met him a few months after I came out and were very welcoming as I knew they would be. They got on great together and I think seeing that I was happy helped them understand things a little better.
Moving to London played a big part in me accepting my sexuality. I remember the first time I walked down Old Compton Street and almost breathing a sigh of relief. It was a new chapter in my life and I was having a really good time. With my new group of friends, I definitely felt more accepted and like I fitted in.
The article wouldn’t be out for a few weeks and there were two more, very important people I needed tell - my parents!
My sister and brother in law had already told me they knew. I was quite relieved that they’d come to me about it. It made things a lot easier. I got on the train home to Newcastle and was in the kitchen with my Mam when I told her. I told her I had something to tell her. It took a while to get it out and in the end I just blurted it out. ‘I’m gay.’ She looked a little shocked for a second and then took it in before saying ‘Well I still love you son.’ It’s a moment I will never forget, as I'm sure anyone who has come out to their parents will understand. I didn’t tell my Dad that night. I think I was worried about disappointing him. When I woke up the next day, my Mam hadn’t been able to keep it to herself which I understand and had already told him. He went very quiet. He wasn’t angry, he just didn’t say very much. He asked me a lot if I was sure and how could I be gay because I’d had girlfriends in the past. There wasn’t ever a point where we didn’t speak. It might have taken a little while for them to get used to it but I know from that moment on I became a lot closer to them. I had nothing to hide anymore. I could be totally honest with them. I had a long-term boyfriend between the ages of 19 and 25. We met in Heaven, the gay club in London, about a year after I moved to London. My parents met him a few months after I came out and were very welcoming as I knew they would be. They got on great together and I think seeing that I was happy helped them understand things a little better.
Moving to London played a big part in me accepting my sexuality. I remember the first time I walked down Old Compton Street and almost breathing a sigh of relief. It was a new chapter in my life and I was having a really good time. With my new group of friends, I definitely felt more accepted and like I fitted in.
Andrew on set of new E4 show Banana
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How was the experience of filming Cucumber and Banana (the two new gay-themed shows written by Russell T Davies which which aired in 2015)?
Working with Russell again has been a joy. I’ve been lucky enough to consider him a mate since we worked together on Doctor Who eight years ago. It’s the first time I’ve worked on a TV show about gay people so it was interesting having been able to relate to certain things in the script. Some things were new to even me! There are some pretty racy scenes in Cucumber and Banana. It’s the first time I’ve filmed anything like that but it wasn’t at all scary. When there’s a 20 strong crew standing around watching you do your stuff, you could get self conscious if there was time but it’s a job and you just get on with it.
There are some incredibly talented actors in both shows so I’m honoured to be working alongside them. We’d all hang out at the hotel bar after a days filming or go for spicy food and cocktails somewhere in Manchester. |
Do you remember watching any TV shows with gay characters in when you were growing up?
When I was around 15, I remember staying up late each week to watch Queer As Folk. There was Nathan going through the exact same thing I was, albeit on a slightly grander scale! Seeing Stuart, Vince and co getting on with their lives and being successful and happy really helped me come to terms with my sexuality. It was definitely a turning point for me. I could be gay and happy too just like them.
What advice would you give to anyone considering coming out?
Looking back now, I wish I could tell myself at 15 that everything was going to be ok and that I was going to be as happy and comfortable in myself as I am now.
"If you’re thinking about coming out, do it when you feel ready. Don’t feel pressured by anyone. It’s your life and you call the shots."
If you do come out and the situation doesn’t quite go as you’d hoped or things become really bad, there are fantastic charities like the Albert Kennedy Trust who can help. Coming to terms with your sexuality isn’t always easy. If you’re reading this and struggling, then I really hope you find the turning point you’re looking for, just like I did.
Follow Andrew on Twitter @AndrewHaydSmith
Cucumber and Banana will air on Channel 4 and E4 in the new year.
Follow Andrew on Twitter @AndrewHaydSmith
Cucumber and Banana will air on Channel 4 and E4 in the new year.
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